Insults

Yo girl, hit me with a water bottle, I’m thirsty as a blade of grass on a Pittsburg baseball pitch in the middle of July.

What? Hey idiot, that simile sucked harder than a redwood tree grows tall!

Yo dumbass don’t talk to me like that, your insult taste worse than uncarbonated coca-cola that someone shat in.

How exactly does ya uncarbonate coke, stupid?

By holding it next to your mouth when your pansy ass insults spew out—just like my dead dog’s heartbeat, it’ll go flat.

Err…

Friends?

Yeah, we’re worse at banter than a—

—Shut up and kiss me.