Debrief comments

I think you really missed the mark on that one. It was pretty far off. There was no arc, no gripping plot, no reason behind the actions, and no personality behind the character. I’m actually not sure what your own motive was – that’s how little I got it.

It turned me off. I get it: you’re angry. But don’t be angry at me, that turns the audience off. Tell me why you’re angry. Is it because you were wronged? Weak reason. Is it because you care? Better.

If you actually care about this, you need to develop it further.