Bread wars

You know the difference between a piece of pre-packed pita and a hunk of plastic-wrapped naan? Everything. One’s thin, crispy-yet-soft, conveniently pocket shaped, and delicious; the other is a useless slip of defecated pseudo-bread that’s better used for slapping disobedient prostitutes limply in the face than stuffing down one’s throat. Pre-packaged, whole-wheat, cold, spongey naan soaks up all that is good in this world and grinds filth into it. It shits on angels. It spits on saints. It is the starchiest fucking antichrist ever baked into existence. It crashed the stock market and caused AIDS. But there’s no pita left.