Natural Selection

            Fellow countrymen and women, I stand before you today a proud American. As your president, it is my honor to announce the defeat of one of humankind’s oldest enemies. Yesterday it was ascertained that the scourge of natural selection has been wiped from the face of our glorious nation. That’s right, natural selection is a thing of the past. The weak will survive with the strong. The blind and the infirmed are safe. Natural order is overcome through legions of hospitals and mental clinics and through our complete mastery over nature. For in this country, hope springs eternal. Live, citizens!