A Bad Accent (With Advice)

She’ll short-circuit yer sprockles an’ drive ye ta the very ends o’ the earth. Nothin’ but underbracin’ great falls thar, mayhaps ye’ve heard say o’ these things an’ the spoutin’ toutin’ sea ‘strocities that be livin’ thar bouts, what will enchomp ye, givin’ the plank’s lonesome chance. All this she be, an’ a shipsload more, ye mayhaps will see. I know, I’s been in yer tuckers meself once a many moons nigh, whence I perched meself amast a full-flowered schooner, draggin’ full o’ her favoritest baubles an’ wrangled many a wave ta bring it ta her. Watch yerself precautionally now.