Everywhere I Go

I woke up. “Outta bed!” he yelled at me from my alarm clock.
I brushed my teeth. “Thirty-seven more seconds!” he bellowed when I spit.
I dozed off on the bus. “Let the lady sit!” he screamed as it picked up more commuters.
I went to the gym. You can only imagine the earfuls I sustained as I huffed and puffed.
I tried to abandon him in the park. He hijacked a St. Bernard and re-boarded my shoulder with a grappling hook.
I went on a date. He catcalled throughout.
It’s so annoying having a miniature drill sergeant pet.