This started with 543 words

I’m streamlining efficiency.

            Um?

Duplicates are useless and bothersome!

            Right.

Now I’m culling my acquaintances to remove the duplicates.

            What?!

Purely on merit… I know another Maldinteroff.

            Oh.

What are your qualities?

Seriously?!

…

Well… I’m friendly.

Yes! But dull. Maldinteroff is greedy. Tie. Do you know desirable or influential people?

A waitress, who gives me free entrees…

Maldinteroff knows the mayor and Wenona Ryder. One point Maldinteroff. Strength?

What?

Muscle up, show some beef.

            Grrrrr…?

Meager. Maldinteroff is a ferocious specimen! One more point Maldinteroff. I’m afraid the traits have spoken. Farewell.

But Dad—

That removes one son too.